Last night I was looking for something, and came upon a package that was buried underneath some junk. After inspecting the address labels, I still couldn’t determine what could be inside even though I recognized the sender as an online store called Knock Knock, a place which I visit very often usually just to go through the slide shows of their products for fun. I bought fun things from this place before, but never out of necessity, so I had to open the package to find out what I might have ordered a while back and totally erased it from my memory.

It turned out to be 3 books from “The Self-Hurt Series”. I started reading the book titled How To Have An Ill-Behaved Dog (make sure you click on the view slide show link to see what the book looks like). I’m on page 41 right now, and it has been an eye-openning experience. Basically, this book is no nonsense very straightforward How-To guide to make your dog as ill-behaved as possible. From the cover of the book:

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE DOG PARK AND wondered, “how do those people achieve such ill-behaved dogs?” Or perhaps you’re thinking about adopting a canine companion and want to start off on the right paw. Whether you’re experienced or new at the pet game, this book will teach you the most innovative techniques for cultivating a dog who doesn’t listen, barks incessantly, and destroys your shoes.

LEARN HOW TO:

Encourage your dog to eat off the counter and beg for table scraps

Develop your dog into a narcissistic extension of your self

Make sure your dog jumps on all visitors

Harness your dog’s natural drives to extract the worst possible behavior with the minimum of effort

My dogs do not need much help in becoming a high level IBDs (Ill-Behaved Dogs), especially Foster. But with the help of this book, I hope I could get him to master most ill behaviors in no time. I say “most” not “all” because he’s at a somewhat disadvantage because he’s been neutered, which is a big no no for cultivating some certain very important ill behaviors.

I’ll report back on this book after I finish it. The other two books are called How To Get Fat and How To Drive Like A Maniac. I know I know I don’t need any such how-to books since I already mastered the arts in both areas and I could probably have written those books myself, but I’d like to know what methods other people use and I’m always willing to learn from others. I’ll also write reviews of these books when I finish reading them.