Guy From The Cable Company

The other day when I came home from work a little after 7pm, I saw a car standing in front of my house. Since it was right next to my mailbox, I thought it must be one of those people who stick weekly circulars in mailboxes. But when I was parking in my driveway, I saw a guy at my front door, waving to me. I was a little confused because he looked kinda “official” with some kind of ID hanging from his neck and he was holding some writing pad in his hand. So of course the first thing that went through my mind was “am I in trouble?” But he turned out to be somebody from the cable company trying to “save” me money. And the conversation sorta went like this:

He: Hi, I’m xxxxx from yyyyy.

Me: Hi.

Methinks: Phew, I’m glad it’s just the cable company… oh wait, I’m not glad! I’m not glad!

He: I hate to bother people when they just get back from work.

Me: ….

Methinks: Isn’t it dinner time for most people right about now? Don’t mind bothering people when they eat? Why bother people to begin with? … oh I guess it’s because I told them to stop calling me about it.

He: I know you have internet service with us, and I’m here to save you some money.

Me: …

Methinks: You be wrong, dude.

He: Do you have a dish for your TV?

Me: No, I don’t watch TV.

Methinks: Didn’t we go through this when I told them to stop calling?

He: Oh, so you have an antenna?

Me: No, I don’t. I don’t watch TV.

Methinks: Huh?

He: Oh then how do you watch TV?

Me: I DO NOT watch TV. I just don’t watch TV.

Methinks: Am I speaking English? WTF?

He: Oh… that’s certainly a unique situation…

Me: I haven’t had TV for a long time.

Methinks: Idiot!

He: Well… but I can still save you some money if you switch your phone service, the phone and the internet service combined will only be $59,95 per month…

Me: I don’t have a landline.

Methinks: Is he going to ask me how I use my home phone now?

He: You don’t have a phone?

Me: I have a cell phone, why should I have another phone?

Methinks: Hope he doesn’t start giving me lectures about why it’s better to have a landline.

He: Oh… that certainly is a unique situation…

Me: Oh well…

Methinks: You said that before.

He: Well then… I guess I can’t save you any money… If you had TV and phone service from other providers, I could have saved you a lot of money.

Me: You could save me money by lowering the internet service fee.

Methinks: Go away, pest.

He: All three services combined would have cost you only about $90 a month.

Me: Oh poor me.

Methinks: Any day now… Where is the light bulb… hmm… maybe the switch is missing.

He: Well then… I hope you have a good evening.

Me: Good night.

Methinks: Finally! Sheesh!