There is a coworker of mine, I’ll call her Jane to protect her identity, whom I used to live 5 minutes away from for 2 years before I moved. During those 2 years, partly because of the proximity and partly because I felt sorry for her (long story), she and I hung out from time to time and helped each other out when one of us needed a ride or something. That was when she was arrested for DWI the first time.

The day she got out of jail after an overnight stay, she told me how she got arrested; because a stupid idiot in front of her car broke hard all of a sudden at the red light in the rain and she rear-ended him, and this idiot had to call the police even though she insisted she would pay for the damage, and there really was no damage, and oh my God, Yoon, I spent a night in jail! I was treated like a criminal! Her license was suspended, and she would need help from me for commuting and food shopping until she gets a temporary hardship license which lets her drive only to and from work. And she would also need help going to the court, court-appointed counselings, meetings, etc, etc. She swore she would never EVER drive if she had a drop of alcohol, or even a cough syrup. I agreed to help her, and drove her around for a while. I even went to this meeting organized by Mothers Against Drunk Driving for moral support. When she finally got off with a probation since it was her first offense, being a single mom, etc, I was there in the court with her. Just I and one other person at work (my boss, who’s also a Godfather of her daughter) knew about the arrest. As soon as it’s all over and Jane got the regular license back and I moved out of that neighborhood, she and I have become two people who barely say hi when we bump into each other – she’s one of those people who gets really friendly only when she needs something. That was a little over 3 years ago.

This last Sunday, she left a voice mail asking me to call her back cause she needed a favor. I called her back too late, I guess, since she didn’t pick up the phone. I left a message to call me back if she still needed something. On Monday, I got to work, and guess the first thing I was introduced to? A local newspaper’s website showing mugshots of people arrested for DWI in Nassau county, among which I could see Jane’s face.

I didn’t want to go talk to her. But I had to go talk to her. She broke her right wrist and totaled her car. She was driving to the grocery store. Yes, she knew she shouldn’t have been driving after drinking, but she never gets stopped by a cop when she drives after drinking. She doesn’t have trouble driving, it’s just her damn luck that the idiots would cause trouble for her. It was at the same intersection, Yoon! The same intersection! The idiot was driving right at her and while trying to avoid this idiot she crashed into a tree and the airbag went off. The cop was obnoxious and wanted her to take breathalyzer test but she refused because, Yoon, the airbag went off! I couldn’t breathe! She insisted she needed to go to the hospital. When they came back to the precinct after having her wrist taken care of, she offered to take the breathalyzer test, but they said it’s too late. She OFFERED, and they didn’t take it. Oh by the way, nobody else knows about this so could you keep this quiet?

“Jane, everybody knows. How did you think I knew about it before you even told me about it this morning?”

“What do you mean? How did you know?”

“Your mugshot is on the Newsday website. John told me.”

“What?”

“YOUR. MUGSHOT. IS. ON. THE. NEWSDAY. WEBSITE!”

“…..”

“Jane?”

“It’s great. It’s just fucking great! Tell John to keep his fucking mouth shut. How am I going to show up at work tomorrow? It’s so humiliating! Everybody knows? O my God!”

“What are you fucking kidding me? You think John is spreading this? Your mugshot is on the website of Newsday, the Long Island newspaper by the way, and guess where we are. Long fucking Island! John told me because he KNOWS you talk to me. He told me he hoped there was something he could help you with! He didn’t want anybody else hearing it, so he IM’d me even though he sits right next to me. He actually said he felt sorry for you! TWICE! You know what “I” told him? I told him that I DON’T! I don’t feel sorry for you. Are you looking for somebody to blame for the humiliation? How about… hmm… YOU? You gotta be fucking kidding me if you’re trying to blame John for telling me. I know which people are going around telling others about it, and I’m not going to tell you. That’s what happens if your fucking mugshot for DWI shows up on a newspaper’s website! I can’t believe you did this again. You swore that you would never sit behind a wheel if you had a drop of alcohol. I drove you around. I went to court with you. I sat in the MADD meeting with you. And you do this again and blame everybody else but YOU? Don’t even fucking try to make it every other idiot driver’s fault or everybody who happened to see your picture. And by the way, you should thank every single star in this fucking universe that you are the only one who got banged up! You’d better thank that fucking tree being there instead of somebody walking by!”

“I don’t blame John. No, I thought about it and John is not the type of person. Please don’t yell at me. I need you to stop yelling at me. I’m beating myself up as it is. And I don’t expect you to feel sorry for me.”

“I won’t yell at you if you stay the fuck reasonable.”

“And you don’t have to drive me around this time. I just need you to go one place during lunch next week. My boyfriend will help me the other times.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. If you need help getting around, I’ll help you. I’m not telling you that I won’t help you. If you need me to go somewhere for moral support, I’ll go with you… ONLY IF you stop blaming the whole world for your own stupid fucking fault. And, the next time you get arrested for DWI…”

“Oh no, no. There won’t be a next time. I’m not driving if I even smell alcohol…”

“Well, good. If there is a next time, you’re on your own.”

Don’t do it people. Don’t drink and drive. I don’t give a fuck if you think you can drive as well as or better than when you’re sober. You might think your driving ability is not impaired with a couple of glasses of something cause look! You drive fine, not zigzagging or anything. It’s the reaction time that slows down. It’s that one split second that counts. Don’t do it. If you kill yourself in the process, that’s all good if that’s your choice, but you might kill or permanently disable somebody else and you might have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Today, she got fired.