I hate Halloween. I absolutely despise Halloween. And I’m not even going to describe how crazy my dogs get whenever somebody knocks or ring the bell or talk loud outside or yell trick-or-treat right outside the door.

Anybody who knows me well enough knows that I’m not fond of kids. So I don’t have kids and I don’t plan on having kids. Now because I don’t want the responsibility of having kids, they tax me more so that people WITH kids can pay less tax. And then I pay almost $10,000 a year for school tax, the school for kids I do NOT have. And then, they demand that I spend MY money to buy other people’s kids candies.

OK, fine. What the fuck. I’ll pay more tax than people with kids because they must have more expenses than I do. I don’t mind helping out like that. And ok, I’ll even accept that I’ll pay the same school tax as the people with kids who actually go to these schools, too, because I’d rather have good schools around me than bad ones. Fine. And you know what? I’ll even leave the candies out for the kids one day a year if the chaperoning adults would make sure each kid takes only one or two. But NOOOOOOO, that never happens. Because, you know, that would be TOO FUCKING CONSIDERATE!!!!

I do not like being blackmailed into giving out candies. When I get home from work at 7 or 7:30 in the evening, my house is already shaving creamed and egged all over. If I leave them out during the day so that the kids take a couple of candies conscientiously, my house is shaving creamed and egged all over because it takes just one greedy kid to run off with the entire booty. Do they want me to take a fucking day off from work and lose a day’s pay just to give out candies I bought with my money to kids who go to school funded by the tax I paid without having no use for the school for myself at all?

I hate fucking Halloween.