Thirty Eight Thousand Six Hundred Sixty One Dollars

On Tuesday my bank notified me that the payment for my second mortgage had been returned. I called Chase Home Finance to see what’s up. After the customer service rep got my loan number and verified my identity, the conversation went something like this:

Yes, I’m calling because I was notified by my bank that my payment had been returned?

I can certainly help you with that. Let me find out why… Oh yes, it was returned because your balance had been paid off.

Uh… Hmmm… Really… (HOLY CRAP!!! How I wish it was true! Think! Think! Is there a way to make this stick? I mean it’s not my fault if somebody made a mistake and paid off my balance! It’s THEM who returned my payment! Oh man, should I tell? I know I should, but damn… Shit. FUCK!)

Yes, your account has been closed.

Well… (Stall! Think! Need more time! Think! Stall!) When was this?

On the 30th.

For how much…? (Oh fuck, I got nothing. I wish I could just hang up and that would be that. Wouldn’t THAT be nice…)

That was 38,661 dollars and 46 cents.

Hmm… (Oh shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is really painful… Oh God. Why? Why? Pourquoi? Pourquoi?) I hate to tell you this. I really really hate to tell you and you have no idea how much it KILLS me to tell you this. But I have to tell you that I never paid if off, O. MY. GOD. it would have been great if I did but the truth is… (SIGH) I didn’t.

Oh. And there is nobody else who could…?

Not that I know of. I truly wish there was, but sadly no. I know, I’m dying. It’s killing me right now having to tell you this.

(Laughing a little) Oh I understand. Could you please hold while I look into this?

Oh sure, take your time. I just denied myself cool thirty-eight thousand dollars, what’s a little wait?

(Laughing) Thank you.

I was on hold for more than 30 minutes, and when she came back, she apologized and told me they would investigate and give me a call back within 10 days. There won’t be any late fees because of this.

Today, I got a call back from them thanking me for pointing out the error before the lien was sent out. Somebody whose account number was similar to mine paid off his mortgage and it went into mine by human error. Not only that, they would have also sent me about $3,000 because my balance was less. Since they cannot reopen the account that has been closed, I would get a new account number with everything exactly the same. They will also resend the tax information.

You know, I was wishing they would find some eccentric rich stranger paid this off for me as the good deed of the year. But no. Somebody fat-fingered a key. Shouldn’t I get some kind of reward or something? You know, for having gone through all this heartache and shit… Now I’m depressed. I know. It wasn’t my money to begin with and they would have found that out sooner or later and  then I would have had to pay the penalty if I hadn’t told them. But it doesn’t make it any less painful.