As some of you know, Brandy’s megaesophagus makes her regurgitate food from now and then, even after being held upright for an hour after a meal. It’s the way it is and there is nothing anybody can do about it but for me to clean up the mess.
And Brandy’s stool never recovered its roll-on-the-floor-rock-hard consistency after that scary episode almost 2 years ago when every morsel of food she ate came back up for more than a month. I guess her digestive system got a shock when it finally got to see some food. So she gets about a cup of yogurt everyday with her meal, but still her stool is frequently loose enough for me to make bald spots on the lawn to pick off all blades of grass (and weeds… well, OK, mostly weeds) with fecal matter on it.
So when the name Poop Freeze caught my eye while I was going through hundreds of “As Seen On TV” products trying to remember the names of the various products for Sucker I Am post yesterday, I was like, could it be? Could this really be??? The description confirmed that it is in fact what I hoped it would be – You spray it on poop, hair balls, or vomit, etc, and it freezes it down to -62°F so you can clean it up with ease. What a brilliant idea! What an excellent way to improve my everyday life! My life WILL be happier! What an exceptional find!
Supposedly, there was or has been or still is an infomercial on TV for Poop Freeze. And let me tell you, if I had seen the infomercial you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have ordered it before the infomercial was over. Then why haven’t I ordered it yet, you might wonder. Well, it lacked the magic of infomercial. I need to see it work on screen. I need to hear people’s testimonies, you understand.
Then why haven’t I clicked on the infomercial link and watch it online? Frankly, I’m afraid to watch it. Cause I KNOW I’m going to HAVE to order it once I did – there is no if’s, and’s or but’s about it, and writing that Sucker I Am post kinda sobered me up to the fact that I’m an infomercialaholic.
What I’m trying to get at, actually, is this – Anybody willing to try it and let me know if it works? Anyone? Anyone?
I haven’t had TV for several years now. I mean I have the physical television set, but it doesn’t get any input. So naturally I don’t get a chance to glimpse at all those wonderful infomercials about breakthrough products that will most certainly make me happier and healthier and prettier and skinnier, while making my life so much easier that I can finally have the so-called “leisure time” for a change. And these products are going to save me money in the end as well, you see. Naturally, if I would happen on an infomercial, I’d get sucked in, full of wonder, my ears pricked and mouth half open. Cause, you know, how can you possibly resist that extremely annoying phrase, “If I can do it, ANYBODY can!”
I admit it. I’m a sucker, so it’s an added blessing that not having TV prevents me from wasting my money on the products like the following, thirteen things I’ve bought from infomercials.
1. 
Proactiv skin care system: I suffer from breakouts all the time. My face is covered with acne scars. So two dermatologists come up with this easy 3 step solution, and you see all these people’s testimonies with before and after photos, wouldn’t you try it? You really wouldn’t? Lucky you.
2. Some other kind of acne product: It came out way before Proactiv, also from a dermatologist, who had a Russian name. It seems it disappeared from the face of the earth, so that tells you much about the product.
3. Some kind of Ab gadget: Typical “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is” product. It’s something you wear around your waist, and there is this box that’s supposed to be pressing against your ab while you sit and watch TV or read a book or watch paint dry if it strikes your fancy. And it will do all the work for you and give you a fab ab in no time. I couldn’t find this one either.
4. Ab Flex: I obviously did not learn my lesson. But in my defense, it requires a little bit of work from you, so it sounded a little truer…
5. Some kind of Cross Country Ski Machine: It came out after NordicTrack’s ski machine. It was like one-third of the price of NordicTrack version, with the added benefit of taking up much less space. This one fit into the category “You get what you pay for,” and it disappeared in a very short time.
6. 
Tony Little Target Training Video: I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to try doing calisthenics, which, by the way, I already know how to do, while watching this dude who is most definitely not lean or mean by any definition.
7. Tae-bo video: After trying this for a few times, I thought I should stop it before I hurt myself. It’s not for anybody who’s really really out of shape and also, who lives in NYC because your apartment doesn’t have a large enough space to do this without any danger unless you belong to that minority called the rich.
8. Carleton Sheets’ No Money Down Home Buying System: This goes into “Who was I kidding?” category because I don’t even know if the system works. Never even opened it.
9. Some kind of grill machine: It was supposed to come up with a delicious meal in 5 minutes after I dump meat and other ingredients altogether in it, and they promised the cleaning would take just seconds! Bastards!
10. Lori Davis Hair Care System: Hey, Cher was in the infomercial swearing it made such a difference in her life! Resistance was futile!
11. Igia thingmabob: I don’t remember the name, and after going through their products, I still can’t remember the name. It was a hair removing gadget, supposed to be pain free and work like magic in no time at all, with three coils that pull out your hair. During one pass through my leg, it pulled like 2 strands of hair and it hurt like a son of a bitch!
12. Oxy Clean: It’s some kind of natural cleaning solution. You must all heard about it. Being a major slob, and hence not knowing very well how well different cleaning products work, I really couldn’t see any difference, but I was most certainly disappointed that it didn’t work as it did on TV.
13. Some kind of duster: Yeah, I know. What was I doing buying a duster, you ask? Well, I’ve never really understood the concept of dusting. It’s like you intentionally go disturb the dust that’s all settled without stirring, and disperse it all over the place. But this one promised to just catch the dust and suck it inside by just putting it NEAR dust! Now THAT’s something I could deal with. I’m sure those bastards laughed their asses off at people who ordered these dusters.
1. First list item starts here…
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This past June was the rainiest month I’ve ever had in New York. I can count with one hand the number of June days without rain. So after the first half of the month, I got tired of having my shoes and socks all soaked whenever I had to walk across the backyard to scoop up dog poo, and I went online to look for a suitable pair of rubber boots. I once bought a pair from Walmart, which got destroyed in a few months because I, in my haste to get the dogs out, would start walking without fully inserting my feet and hence stepping on the ankle area of the boots, making creases which eventually got torn. So this time I was looking for very low ankle boots and hoping there were rubber shoes instead of boots.
Well, I found them. Rubber loafers. I actually really wanted this rubber garden shoes, but they didn’t have my size, so I ordered these loafers. But they contacted me right away apologizing those were out of stock, and would I mind black and white instead? Of course I didn’t mind because I plan on wearing them in my backyard exclusively in fear of fashion police coming after me…. Cough!MissAttitude!Cough!
Anyway, I got the loafers. And the next day I found out my left toes were getting wet. I had to make sure that it’s not the way I walk or anything like that, so I wore them a few more days and decided the left shoe was leaking around the big toe area. I shot an email to DLL Rainwear, and they immediately replied back telling me they were sending the replacement pair with a prepaid return label for the defective one. It was a very pleasant exchange, I must say. I’m sure I’m going to buy my next rubber shoes from there.
I received the replacement pair and there seem to be no leaks, but I’m not sure because it stopped raining. It figures. Just when I’m all ready to get out and walk on the wet grass, the grass ain’t wet any more. Not that I’m complaining.
I’m in need of a camera. I need a decent one with which I can take more than just a few pictures before it dies on me. It probably is the battery, but the camera being such an old one, it’s not even worth getting the battery for it. I have been pondering about it quite some time now, and since my finance will not allow me to get any excess in life such as a camera –yes, I have my priorities straight on this point– I got to a point of throwing my hands up and saying maybe in a couple of years.
Then just yesterday, I received an email from Thankyou Network, which I had forgotten about. I knew I had a reason why I switched to using my bank debit card instead of cash every chance I get, but I had forgotten what the reason was.
I eagerly went to their website to see if I could get a decent point-and-shoot camera with it. I knew I don’t spend enough money to accrue points to be eligible to get a fancy pants DSLR, but I should be able to get something that has more than 5X optical zoom, lets me decide when to use the flash or not, and has an image stablizer since my hands are on the unsteady side to put it mildly. I was a little disappointed at my total points and the eligible cameras in my points range, but it’s much better than the sorry excuse of a camera I have now, not to mention IT’S FREE!
I narrowed it down to, or more precisely, picked the top two cameras which satisfy all of the above conditions:
- Sony Cybershot DSC-H10 – 8.1MP, 10X Optical Zoom, Super Steady Shot
- Canon Powershot SX110IS – 9MP, 10X Optical Zoom, Image Stablizer
According to the reviews, Sony DSC-H10 looks to be the better of the two, but I prefer SD memory cards to Sony memory sticks. But then again, I’m not too thrilled about the fact that Canon SX110IS uses alkaline batteries, which more or less would run out every 100 or so shots. Decisions… Decisions…
I found out that the nice houseboat featured in the movie Sleepless In Seattle is for sale for measly $2.5 mil. I like that house very much. As a matter of fact, I could have gone on a wet t-shirt contest coming out of the theater after watching the movie because I drooled so much whenever a scene showed parts of that house. But alas, it has no backyard! So unfortunately, I, as in I with 4 biggish dogs, won’t be buying this fine piece of real estate. Yup, that’s the reason. No backyard. And I’m sticking to it.
Serious Stuff. Seriously
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