Welcome to yoonamania where I put down the nonsense that pops up in my head from time to time. Please do not expect to make any sense out of my blatherings. It's called nonsense for a reason. Nor should you expect to enjoy any good writing. My English sucks moose ass. But I don't really care since I'm sure your Korean isn't any better. Please try to keep your expectations low and just chill like potatoes... or beets... or parsnips. Oh and yeah, don't take it seriously unless you think I think you must.

Yours truly, etc. yoonamaniac

September 27, 2008>

Beasts, Brooklyn, Mania

4 comments

I was just outside with Georgia and Brooklyn. While Brooklyn was pooping, in 3 different places because the wind changed its direction or she heard some noise or whatever, I realized something.

It occurred to me that I was standing as if I froze in the middle of walking, one foot in front, and I was also holding my breath. Then I realized that whenever Brooklyn assumes the position, I stop in my tracks, not move a muscle trying not to blink and sometimes hold my breath until she comes out of her pooping stance. Not only that, when she strains for a long time to push that very last teeny piece of turd out, I even make a straining face, intensely staring at her butt. Yes, this is how badly I want Brooklyn to poop. It has been a rough summer for both of us with all that rain.

I usually obsess about something in my backyard when I take the dogs out. And the unfortunate objects of my obsession changes, usually according to the season change. This last winter, I was obsessing about rabbit poo, this early spring about dandelions, and up until 2 days ago about bird poo and the poo of another mystery animal which seems to drop by just to go potty; can’t blame the creature, really, cause everybody else does, but is it too much to ask to at least introduce him/herself and go in certain area and stand there a little apologetically for a while until I identify the spot instead of sneaking in only when I’m not there and defiantly leave the poo in different places that I need to search for?

These days, I’m obsessing about mushrooms. With all these animals, including my dogs, feeding shit to these mushrooms, they tend to flourish in my yard during the season. I remember obsessing about them last year and the year before. When I noticed mushrooms in my backyard for the first time, I started picking them because I didn’t want my dogs accidentally eating them (if you didn’t know, mushrooms are toxic to dogs in varying degrees from vomiting and diarrhea to death). So as with everything else, I started obsessing about ridding my yard of those mushrooms, annihilating all colonies, and I comb through the entire yard every chance I get. This year, I started noticing mushrooms just the day before yesterday. I have picked more than 1,000 mushrooms from my backyard in three days. Since yesterday was sunny and dry, I only picked a little over hundred mushrooms this morning.

There are quite a variety of mushrooms in my yard and I realized that I kinda consider them as something more than fungi. For instance, when I see a little colony of brownish mushrooms with pointy heads, I feel like I’m looking at a family with wee little kids. When I see a mushroom with a very thin head that looks like a cocktail umbrella, I pick it very cautiously imagining it viciously attacking me because it reminds me of the frills that belonged to the dinosaur called Dilophosaurus I saw in Jurassic Park.

Yeah, sometimes I think to myself, yur crazy. Maybe some of these mushrooms are psychedelic and they affect my brain with their smell? Are there such shrooms? Cause these mushrooms smell weird like gasoline or something.

May 12, 2008>

Beasts, Brandy, Foster

4 comments

This will be the last of the Let’s Talk About Poop Baby series, and my apologies in the form of “neener, neener” to those who thought the previous entry was the end of this poopapalooza because I covered all my pets. If you’re wondering if this one is about MY poopage, you can relax. It’s not.

Both Brandy and Foster suffered from coprophagia a few years ago – they would search for dog poop and eat it. Brandy was an occasional snacker but Foster had an especially bad case, where he would finish pooping and turn around to chomp on it. A lot of times he would forget about chomping part for a few seconds because he’s too eager to get back to pestering Brandy without wasting a nanosecond. So I would strive to get to his poopage within that time, but Foster would hurry back to it racing with me to get there before me, the race, of course, he won half the time. Only half the time because the other half of the time I managed to get there before he finished pooping. I’ve tried all kinds of different products out there to stop this as well as other things recommended by the vet and others to no avail. I don’t have any pictures of any of them eating poop because are you kidding? I was busy getting there to stop them.

Fortunately, this disgusting habit discontinued within a couple of days of their diet change to RMB diet. Still, after successfully attacking Foster getting out of his pooping stance, Brandy habitually runs and smells Foster’s poop, cause you just HAVE TO smell the fresh poop every time it’s produced. Then she looks at me and waits until I get near the poopage as if she’s making sure I know where the poop is situated, then trots off. She does this whenever she finds some poop that I missed because somebody pulled a sneak-a-poop routine where they sneak in their business while I occupy myself with scooping another’s poop or obsessing with rabbit poo search or just spacing out. I use this habit of Brandy’s to my advantage when I can’t find the poopage in the dark or in the fall where there are a lot of leaves on the ground to camouflage the poopage: I’d see somebody pooping, and by the time I walk over to that area, that said somebody’s already licking herself somewhere else, and I’d fail to find the poopage. When that happens, I call to Brandy to that area and say “Find the poop!” And most of the time, she starts sniffing and finds it, and looks up at me, at which time I praise her lavishly. I should train her harder to be the poop search dog or something. I wonder if there’s any need for such a dog?

This concludes Let’s Talk About Poop Baby series. No doubt poop will be mentioned in other posts in the future, and I hope now you’ll have the visuals to go with the future poop discussions. I’ve enjoyed immense satisfaction writing this series except maybe the one about Georgia’s poopage. Hope you enjoyed reading it.